god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
That was before I lit my hair on fire
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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