For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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