i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
