I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
