He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
