Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
