I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
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