No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
