I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
