why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
4 words: hood of his car
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
