the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
