I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
