we have pet lesbian snakes
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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