omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Never joke about your clitoris.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
