I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
