You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Randomize
