the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
