i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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