you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Randomize
