you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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