I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
