the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
