I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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