oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
