Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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