She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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