why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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