he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Randomize
