I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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