I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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