Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
My pussy is not your playground.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
