Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
