why do cheetos always look like penises
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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