why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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