do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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