Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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