Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Randomize
