Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
