eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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