So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
