Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
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