i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
