He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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