when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Come share oat with me in your robe
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
