he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
