saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I got inside last night via doggy door
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
