I can text with my tongue
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
