just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
