one two three fourrrrnication!
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
All I want is dick and wine.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Randomize
