You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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