it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Randomize
