first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
