Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
