im drinking this country out of the recession.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
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