if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
they need to just BURY HIM!
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
